Hi my name's Aaron and I'm a recovering addict, I've had serious issues with heroin and methamphetamine for nearly 20 years, I'm over 2 years sober currently and adding to it everyday. I'm not sure where to start my story, I'm a survivor of serious childhood sexual abuse which occurred from as young as I remember til about 10 or 11, I only start with that because I consider it a contributing factor in my addiction issues, I started with weed at about 11 or 12 because it was readily available in my home through my brother and his friends, I just hated being in my own head and I wanted to escape but that wasn't enough and I moved onto harder drugs but heroin got me, I had a friend named Jesse and me and him tried heroin for the 1st time at 13, both of us had pretty ordinary home lives so we got really close because we'd just hang out anywhere and get high coz fuck being at home, we lived that shit street kid heroin addict life for the next 4 years together, we got real close, he was my best mate, shit was going on at home so I left knowing I could find him where we normally chilled and I did and we got high and fell asleep and I woke up and he was dead, I was 17, I tried pretty hard after that to put myself in the most life threatening situations I could and was just aimlessly existing, then I met a girl named Amy, I'm not with her anymore but I'm grateful for her she saved me at the time but I was too broken for anyone and that relationship broke down and I spiralled, I never touched heroin again but I would binge on anything and everything, there was 2 years that were fun until I got onto meth and it fell apart quickly; dealing, stealing, violence just proper all out criminality, a guy owed me a little bit of money and I bashed him with a hammer and got a 7 year jail sentence with 5 years before I was eligible for parole, just prior to this I'd started seeing Elana, a girl I'd known since I was 8 and I was mad about her, proper love struck, she was with me for abit of the sentence but it got too much for her especially when she would travel for 4 hours with her 1 year old just to be told I was in the seperation unit for fighting and drugs, so she rightly left me and I went hectic just being the worst human being I could be until the last year I started thinking I wanted to change, only thinking, I didn't actually do any work to get myself right and I ended up out on parole and back out on the streets, I wasn't really interested in drugs coz I was on parole and being urine tested but I was drinking like crazy with my mates and just enjoying being out and single, not long after I got out I was contacted by my ex Elana (spoiler she's now my wife) saying I could see my stepdaughter if I wanted and of course I did, but things quickly progressed with Elana and we got back together after 3 months and we were married after about 18months, these were happy days, clean, working, with my family but after 2 and abit years I started lapsing intermittently and after another 12 months I was worse than I'd ever been, I'd tried to speak to my mum about my abuse as a kid and got told that it's my problem not hers and that hit me harder than I could have known, I literally felt like I'd been punched back into my seat, around this time a close mate committed suicide and that rocked me too,so there I was back using needles and stealing to support my habit and trying to be a functional husband and father (I tried but failed miserably) my daughter hated me and my wife was disgusted and disappointed,we were barely a couple, cops were always on our doorstep and I got locked up again for stupid shit and she was fed up, this woman had done everything she possibly could to help me and I threw it back in her face over and over again, I couldn't see what was right in front of me and she left me and the next 2 years were my own self made hell in jail with the love of my life moving on without me and my daughter not speaking to me I was severely depressed but still resolute to stay drug free, it all got to much and I ate a fist full off pills trying to end it but thankfully the prison officers found me on the concrete floor not breathing and no heartbeat and they revived me, I woke up chained to a hospital bed with broken ribs from CPR, that was the lowest point for me, that and the moment I understood what I'd put my family through, I decided then that whatever it takes I'm going to get myself right, I'd never understood when people said "do it for yourself" but it sunk in, even if I couldn't get my wife to forgive me and trust me again I had to get sober for me, even if my daughter never wanted to speak to me again I had to get sober for me, even if it just meant that they could atleast be happy that I'm sober, luckily my wife still saw something in me and we're trying to work it out, I'm out of jail, doing groups for recovering addicts and ex cons, seeing a psychiatrist, looking for work and me and my daughter have an amazing relationship and I'm over 2 years clean and building trust and working on my relationships, I hate that I put my family through what I did and at times I struggle forgiving myself and feeling worthy of love but I'm working on it everyday, people say sobriety is a gift but for me I disagree, you don't pay for a gift,you don't work for it, I've worked for my sobriety and it's mine.
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